Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Failure and Falling Forward

This scene - who would have thought this scene would cause a grown woman to cry in a movie theater? Let's all take a moment to be thankful for dark theaters.

If we could all learn to respond this to way failure - how amazing would it be?  To our own failure; to other's failure?  How many times have I caused fear with my frustration with my kids or spouse instead of helping them move forward with loving, enthusiastic encouragement?

What I'm learning in this season of my life (whether it be in marriage, parenting, growing up which I intend to do until the day I pass on, or walking out my faith,) is to let go of comparing myself to others or even to myself - my "past" self, my "should be" self, or even the shiny and beautiful "who I want to be" self.  Because what it does is discourage and immobilize me.  It takes my focus from Jesus, the Author and Finisher of my faith, and turns it outward or inward instead...and I'm not talking about frank reflection on the state of one's soul or learning from watching someone else, but the problem that invariably exists when the wrong thing becomes the main focus.

When I finally learned I could truly let go of my ideas and expectations of perfection, oh - the freedom and growth!  Thinking it would bring joy, I had fastened my will to my own ideas only to find they were the very things that kept me bound.  Those things I wanted so desperately - they were idols.  "I'll be happy when" owned me.

The other day, I spent some time simply basking in and resting in His great love - for me! How dare I, really, because - who am I?

Who am I?   I am His, and that is everything!

But if I choose to keep pushing His love - in reality, HIM - away with all my expectations of what "should" be,  I'll miss it. Because I'm not abiding in Him when I'm trying to be in control.  Giving up my own willfulness for His perfect will, letting go of the thought of how it "should be" and letting Him simply love me, just as I am...and in turn, loving Him back ...and others through Him...that is never failure.

So here I am, loved, thankful, and free.  Falling forward, caught in His grace, finding my rest in His arms of love as He lovingly cheers me on to keep moving forward in Him.

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