Safety in His Presence

I recently found myself in a very uncomfortable situation.  I remember feeling like the Israelites when they told Moses, "You brought us out here to kill us!" 

That's what I told Him, "Lord, You've brought me here to kill me!"


Sometimes I'm dramatic. 


It brought up some extremely painful things from my (church) past.

I felt very unsafe. Sick.  But I also knew to trust the Lord and His perfect timing in and through the situation.  I knew He brought me there for that very reason. My emotions welled up, threatening to take over, so I desperately told Him, "I need security."  Normally I ask.  But this was different; it was a bold request.  I wrote the word "Security" in my notes, an urgent plea from my panicking heart. 

He spoke so clearly through the teacher that night...she referred to Valentine heart candies with "sweet nothings" written on them, encouraging us to listen for God's voice to speak intimately to our hearts that weekend.  When she pointed to and read one that said, "You're Mine,"  it was God Who used her hand as an arrow to point from His heart straight into mine.  "You are Mine. You belong to Me."

Isn't that what security is?

One of the sweet nothings God had spoken to me through a very broken part of my life was from Zechariah 2:8b, "for he who touches you touches the apple of His eye."

The teacher shared the verse she had been given upon her arrival that weekend, a verse that was very personal to her. "He found him in a desert land, And in the wasteland, a howling in the wilderness; He encircled him, He instructed him, He kept him as the apple of his eye." Deut. 32:10 
How sweet that the LORD would share that verse with me, too; another "apple of his eye" verse.  It was meaningful to me because it showed me how personally He cares for us.

The LORD allowed me to sift through my emotions.  There was healing to be done.  The soil of my heart was being dug up and tilled.  I woke up sobbing the next morning...embarrassed, and praying I wouldn't wake my room mates.  I took a shower and walked outside.  The beautiful breeze brought to my mind "Heaven's Dream" and sounded like beach waves as I closed my eyes and listened.  It was quiet and I was alone (double bonus,) so I took my bible, notebook and flashlight and spent some time with Him in His word.  He took me to verse after verse, chapter after chapter affirming me and ministering safety as His presence filled my heart. 

Psalm 17 

 Hear a just cause, O Lord,
Attend to my cry;
Give ear to my prayer which is not from deceitful lips.
² Let my vindication come from Your presence;
Let Your eyes look on the things that are upright.

³ You have tested my heart;
You have visited me in the night;
You have tried me and have found nothing;
I have purposed that my mouth shall not transgress.
⁴ Concerning the works of men,
By the word of Your lips,
I have kept away from the paths of the destroyer.
⁵ Uphold my steps in Your paths,
That my footsteps may not slip.

⁶ I have called upon You, for You will hear me, O God;
Incline Your ear to me, and hear my speech.
⁷ Show Your marvelous lovingkindness by Your right hand,
O You who save those who trust in You
From those who rise up against them.
^{8 Keep me as the apple of Your eye;}
 Hide me under the shadow of Your wings,
⁹ From the wicked who oppress me,
From my deadly enemies who surround me.

¹⁵ As for me, I will see Your face in righteousness;
I shall be satisfied when I awake in Your likeness.

In the very first verse He gave me that morning, He showed me He understood exactly where I was, who I was, and what I was going through.  And He told me my vindication is found in His presence and assured me He would keep me, for the third time that weekend, as the apple of His eye. 

 Psalm 18 

 I will love You, O Lord, my strength.
² The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer;
My God, my strength, in whom I will trust;
My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
³ I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised;
So shall I be saved from my enemies.

When I read verses 16-19, He reminded me of a dream He gave me years ago.  

In that dream, my husband and I had stopped in to eat at a bar/restaurant while we were on vacation.  We were talking about the Lord with a man who was working there.  Some people from our fellowship came in and told us we shouldn't be doing that there. After awhile we left and the next thing I knew, we were on a boat.  I saw a huge wave coming (a massive storm was headed our way) and I knew there was no way we would survive it.  But then I was lifted above the clouds, watching everything below grow smaller and smaller as I was shown the bigger picture.  What I remember most clearly was the amazing, peaceful presence I felt with me.  I knew God had lifted me out and above the impending danger.  I knew He was literally with me, behind me.

¹⁶ He sent from above, He took me;
He drew me out of many waters.
¹⁷ He delivered me from my strong enemy,
From those who hated me,
For they were too strong for me.
¹⁸ They confronted me in the day of my calamity,
But the Lord was my support.
¹⁹ He also brought me out into a broad place;
He delivered me because He delighted in me.

  

He delivered me because He delighted in me? Who am I, that He would think about me?  How can I ever even begin to understand that?

 ²⁵ With the merciful You will show Yourself merciful;
With a blameless man You will show Yourself blameless;
²⁶ With the pure You will show Yourself pure;
And with the devious You will show Yourself shrewd.
²⁷ For You will save the humble people,
But will bring down haughty looks.

²⁸ For You will light my lamp;
The Lord my God will enlighten my darkness.
²⁹ For by You I can run against a troop,
By my God I can leap over a wall.
³⁰ As for God, His way is perfect;
The word of the Lord is proven;
He is a shield to all who trust in Him.

He assured me, "I have surely seen the oppression of My people who are in Egypt, and have heard their cry because of their taskmasters, for I know their sorrows." Ex. 3:7

Psalm 9

⁹ The Lord also will be a refuge for the oppressed,
A refuge in times of trouble.
¹⁰ And those who know Your name will put their trust in You;  For You, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You.

He sees me as blameless, not because of my own perfection (because that can never be on this side of eternity) but because of His work in me. He knew *exactly* what I was going though. He saw it all. Every part of it.  And still, He chose me, loved me, and sheltered me.

"The beloved of the LORD shall dwell in safety by Him, Who shelters him all the day long, And he shall dwell between His shoulders." -Deut. 33:12

Is there any place safer than that? *sigh*

Then He reminded me of Moses.  God had told Moses to take His people to the promised land, that He would send an angel before them but that He wouldn't go with them because they were being stubborn and rebellious.

¹² Then Moses said to the Lord, “See, You say to me, ‘Bring up this people.’ But You have not let me know whom You will send with me. Yet You have said, ‘I know you by name, and you have also found grace in My sight.’ ¹³ Now therefore, I pray, if I have found grace in Your sight, show me now Your way, that I may know You and that I may find grace in Your sight. And consider that this nation is Your people.”
¹⁴ And He said, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”
¹⁵ Then he said to Him, “If Your Presence does not go with us, do not bring us up from here. ¹⁶ For how then will it be known that Your people and I have found grace in Your sight, except You go with us? So we shall be separate, Your people and I, from all the people who are upon the face of the earth.”
¹⁷ So the Lord said to Moses, “I will also do this thing that you have spoken; for you have found grace in My sight, and I know you by name.”
¹⁸ And he said, “Please, show me Your glory.”
¹⁹ Then He said, “I will make all My goodness pass before you, and I will proclaim the name of the Lord before you. I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion.” ²⁰ But He said, “You cannot see My face; for no man shall see Me, and live.” ²¹ And the Lord said, “Here is a place by Me, and you shall stand on the rock. ²² So it shall be, while My glory passes by, that I will put you in the cleft of the rock, and will cover you with My hand while I pass by. ²³ Then I will take away My hand, and you shall see My back; but My face shall not be seen.”

Moses realized if God's presence didn't go with then, then he didn't want to go at all.  And the LORD granted him that request, assuring him he'd found grace in His sight and that the LORD knew him by name.  Moses wanted to see the face of the One Who knew him so well, but knowing that would kill him, God generously offered, "Come over here by Me, stand on the rock, and I'll cover you with my hand.  I'll pass by and you can see the trail of My glory." 

He showed me I'd found grace in His sight.  He was my safe place.  Him.  And He doesn't change!  He still does that with us today.  "LORD, I want to know You.  I want to see Your face." So we stand on the Rock, Jesus, and find all our safety and salvation in Him.  One day we will wake in His Presence and see Him face to face and not die because we are hidden in Christ.  How great are the precious promises He's given us!  

It's all found in Him.

It's all about His Presence.

How's your heart?  Is it hurting? Angry? Broken? Betrayed? Accused? Forgotten? Proud? Numb? Shattered?

Everything you need is found in His presence.

Go to Him.

Heaven's Dream

I had been feeling lonely, missing people who have passed on, missing people who for one reason or another, I didn't/don't see anymore - missing my husband at work, my kids at school, my friends... aching, painful, overwhelming loneliness was after me!  I was exhausted and had to actually lie down *gasp!* - in the middle of the day - what?! - and then, it overtook me.  I fell asleep.  And I'm so glad I did, because after the dream I had, I didn't want to wake up.  I wanted to stay there forever.

I dreamed I had gone on a retreat and I didn't know anyone.  I was walking around by myself with the relentless loneliness I'd been carrying with me.  There were women milling around, some walking around the common area and some had gone outside.  I hesitated, and then decided I'd also go for a walk outside.

As I stepped out the back door, I was shocked by the view.  It was breathtaking.  I realized the door was the entry to the sandy shore of a beautiful, calm beach.  To my left there was a cliff - there was only one way to get to this special place.   The rainbow of the color streaked sky was gorgeous; it was the most glorious place I'd ever been!  I inhaled it all with slow, deliberate breaths and wondered in awe at the striking beauty of the beach.  I stepped up to the water's edge...just being near to the water awakened a dormant longing in my heart.  I was being drawn to it the way one's soul longs for its lover.  My heart was being filled as I was drawn to wade in deeper, up to my knees.  The aching in my soul was being filled with peace and the overwhelming loneliness was replaced with fullness of joy.   Taking in the beauty gave me rest and respite from the dark aching that had been in my heart and I realized - it was God who had drawn me there, it was Him who was the water.  He's the beautiful One, my place of rest and calm and retreat and the One I had been longing for with soul loneliness.  I sat down in that lovely, inviting water and I began to weep.  I was so sorry for having neglected coming to this place, this sweet and precious refreshing gift - this valuable time of coming to Jesus and letting Him be my water of life!  My shoulders heaved and I cried cleansing tears of beautiful confession and repentance.   And peace came.  And grace. Even in correction, I was protected by His grace as I entered into the cleansing and righteousness that had been waiting there, available to me the whole time! Even in the midst of my salty tears, I was so grateful I hadn't chosen to walk around inside my loneliness but had made the simple decision to go outside myself for the refreshing presence of Christ through His Spirit, all in the Father's love.  

And I woke up.  

The beautiful beach was gone.

But the rest, the peace, the love, the deep joy and abiding presence of Jesus - that abides.  Matthew 11:28-29 has never been so real -  “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.  “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS.  “For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

And as He said to the woman at the well in John 4:14, "Whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life!”

The Greatest Undercover Boss Reveal - Ever.

Tell me you've seen the tv show Undercover Boss, because this post will make *so much more sense* if you have: 

At tonight's coffee shop study we were reading about the woman at the well in John 4:

 ¹⁹ The woman said to Him, “Sir, I perceive that You are a prophet. ²⁰ Our fathers worshiped on this mountain, and you Jews say that in Jerusalem is the place where one ought to worship.”
²¹ Jesus said to her, “Woman, believe Me, the hour is coming when you will neither on this mountain, nor in Jerusalem, worship the Father. ²² You worship what you do not know; we know what we worship, for salvation is of the Jews. ²³ But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him. ²⁴ God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.”



And then it hit me: Jesus gave the GREATEST Undercover Boss reveal EVER! (I may be a little too excited about this, but stay with me - ) Jesus told her the Father is seeking those who will worship Him... Jesus who would say, "If you've seen Me, you've seen the Father," and I had a picture in my mind of the delighted look in Jesus' eyes as the meaning behind His words drew her to Him, "I AM God, and I'm seeking you. In fact, I went of of my way to come here and meet with you.  I sought you out."  You, who haven't found lasting love in the 5 husbands you've had or the man you are living with now. "  

"I want you."


²⁵ The woman said to Him, “I know that Messiah is coming” (who is called Christ). “When He comes, He will tell us all things.”


And....then, wait for it... - 
 

²⁶ Jesus said to her,  

“I who speak to you am He.” 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


In other words, as God the Father said to Moses when he asked Him who should he say sent him, "I AM."  God of the Universe, Love Unconditional, Awesome, Powerful, Merciful Savior.  That would be Me, Jesus was explaining to her. 

Can you see it?  The kindness and excitement in His eyes as He revealed His true self to her?   His smile as He offered her EVERYTHING - "Dear woman, you thought you were bringing me a drink and some food, but I came to reveal myself to you and offer you eternal life."   

Boom.

Greatest Undercover Boss Reveal. Ever.

Freedom Roots and Bitterness

Showering.  It's where quiet time happens.  The majority of my uninterrupted time is spent there.  And, let's face it, the acoustics are *amazing.*  I can sing my heart out, offerings of praise rising to heaven along with the steam.  :-)


As I began to pray, I finally realized what I'd been trying so hard not to admit, "They broke my heart, LORD."  I had never put it in those words before.  Hot tears slid down my face as I gave Him the brokenness of my heart. I didn't want to confess it, because I didn't want it to be true.  I also knew I had a root of bitterness in my soul, and try as I might, it wasn't going anywhere 

but 

down

deeper.


Yet as I laid my heart bare before Him, He instructed me gently, "Pray for them."
 

Oh, that.  To be perfectly honest, I didn't want to - I had before, though truth be told, much more in the beginning than as of late.

"But...it's going to be ugly."

"I know."

"And I don't want to pray anything I shouldn't."

Hmmmm.  "Should I call my best friend?...my mentor?" I wondered.  Someone flesh and blood to put their arm around me and pray with me?

"I'm right here," He gently offered. His presence was so real. His love.  His grace.  His mercy.  His welcoming.  His faithfulness.  His love.  Him.   He was enough.

So I did.  I started praying for them.  Some words came easily and others were stilted and gutteral, but they came nonetheless, and as I poured out the dark contents of my heart, He filled it with His healing balm of love and mercy. And I as I felt relief, I wondered if it would last.  Would I wake up the next day and feel horrible all over again?

Because, in truth, I know a lot of verses about forgiveness.  But I also know what it's like to wake up and not *feel* like doing it.  To have all those fiery darts and accusations and reminders of words spoken and injuries incurred and to want to give into the ugliness.  But more than that, I want to walk like Jesus walked.  I want to look like Him.  He forgave.  He loved.  He died for us while we were yet sinners! And I want to obey Him.  His command is simple, "forgive." Even if you never get an apology.  

The beauty of it all is that He strengthens us through His Spirit to be rooted and grounded in love.  His love pushes out the roots of bitterness and fills us with the fullness of Himself.  It's His power that works in us to obey Him.  Specifically, to dig out the root of bitterness and unforgiveness and to have His love for others, yes, especially the ones who hurt you. 

It's so healing and freeing!  The next day when I woke up? His fullness and grace was shielding me from those fiery darts.  That "stuff?"  It's not mine anymore.  I gave it to Him.  And that, my friends, is freedom.


Ephesians 3:14-21 ^"For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height— to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
 Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen."

 

Learning the Hard Way

I've spent a few years learning things I didn't want to know. 

Sting. Shame. Shunning. 
Remember Who holds you, never leaves or forsakes you, never betrays you and NEVER forgets you - Savior, strength, surrender.


Hypocrisy, hurt, heartbreak.
Remember the One well acquainted with grief and sorrow. Remember His Spirit sent to comfort, guide, lead and teach us -
Healing, hope, help.

Failings, fear.
Remember the One who calls us His friend and is always faithful, even though we have not been faithful.
Friendship, forgiveness.

Grungy, garbage.
Sometimes we are a little messy. Sometimes we feel worthless.  If you see a hurting brother or sister, I pray you'll be kind. Don't treat each other like trash.  Goodness, grace - We will be hurt by each other. Let God perfect His work in you and in each other. Don't isolate yourselves. We are living stones which can smooth each other's rough edges. Don't cut each other down.


Jaded, jagged.
In Revelation, John sees Jesus standing in the middle of seven lamp stands which represent the seven churches. As imperfect as they are, He still chooses to standing among them. He sees it all. Trust Him to sort everything out in His perfect and righteous timing. Jesus, justice, joy.

Painful, prickly, petty.
Some days are plagued with trouble.  So what do we do? Press in. Worship Him. Prayer, praise - to the One who is our peace.


So yes, I learned some things I didn't want to learn the way I didn't want to learn them. Yet these things others have meant for harm, God has used for good in my life.  In the way which only He can, He's used them to grow me in ways I wasn't expecting. When you feel like you're sinking, call out to Jesus. He will hold you through the storm. He will bring you to safety. He'll meet you in your pain and sorrow. He will heal you. And you'll know what real love looks like. 
Agape

Growing Pains

Have you ever have one of those days where God sends someone to speak right into your heart and life, to let you know He hears you and He cares about *y o u ?* To remind you what matters to Him is your heart? To reassure you that He is in control, He has a purpose and a plan, and He gets you? And loves you still?


Spend time with Jesus, and let Him encourage your heart today. It seems so overly simplistic, but it isn't. It's simplistic in our heads, but not in our hearts. In our hearts, He overflows and pours into and out from our lives. In our hearts, we can't hold unforgiveness, because His love is bigger and has squeezed out the ugliness of bitterness. Let's be people who forgive and put all our pain, hurt and injustices on His alter and release it to Him. Let's grow up. Let's be people who trust Him. Completely. People who can love others because God loves us. Let's be people who know we will be hurt and choose to love anyway. Do you want to be a grown up Christian? Let Him heal your hurts. Ask Him the "big picture" questions. Wait to hear His answers. Understand life will sometimes be entirely too difficult, and that's okay. Our God is bigger. Let Him be bigger in our lives.

The Audacity of Flash Mobs

How many times in life do I *know* but don't do? More than I'd care to admit. I've been in a weird tough painful growing? time in my life, and this is one I would do without if I was the author of my story (or the conductor of my song)... but every single one of us goes through things we don't want to. Life gives us what we don't want or doesn't give us what we do want, or things seem to be going well, and then WHAM, our hears are broken and we feel like all our insides are on our outsides and everything hurts and nothing is as it seems it should be and there's nothing that can be done but to

just
keep
walking -

to
keep putting one foot in front of the other, standing on what we know is true, and refusing to give up.


I've been watching Christmas flash mobs on youtube. I must be a complete sap, because they make me cry every time I view one. My favorites are the ones where people are at the mall, perhaps in a food court, and one person has the audacity to stand up and begin to sing. Loudly. People walk by, stare, or look at said individual as if he/she is CRAZY. Some watch in joy and wonder; some are completely confused. Others walk by, barely taking notice, yet those do who stop to take it all in and allow themselves to soak in that moment - the beauty of voices lifted together - experience the oneness of voice and soul. By the end, most people smile with new found joy and clap with gratitude for that little piece of *something* they were unexpectedly inundated with.

And then I think of Jesus, fully divine in all His glory, emptying Himself of those divine attributes and having the audacity to be born here, into His own creation, wrecked by sin and evil and death, coming completely helpless and dependent upon His earthly family to care for Him. He had the audacity to come, wrapped in fragile, mortal flesh and live a perfect, sinless life and become the sacrifice for my sin. I wonder, is God pleased when people gather in a mall, sing praises to His name, and proclaim the truth of His son's birth? Does their boldness delight Him? He sent Jesus to this dark world as a light to love and give His life as a ransom for us. It pleased Him. He delighted in it. This leads me to believe He delights in these flash mobs the way He delights in giving good gifts to us. He delights in mercy, love, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, strength under control, boldness to proclaim His truth, and also the audacity to

love

in this dark world. Sacrificially. Costly. All in, no holds barred, love. It blows my mind that He came down to this dirty, messed up, evil world and inundated it with life, love, forgiveness, and truth, knowing full well He would be met with rejection, gossip, hate, betrayal, selfish people, religious persecution and ultimately a torturous death. He came to pay the price for our debt - knowing full well some would reject that, too. How many people ignore Him, walk by and busy themselves with all kinds of nothing just to keep from stopping and taking a moment to let it all in - the audacity of Christ's love - the divine meeting humanity in the humblest of ways - born to poor, scandalous parents in a borrowed barn? I pray those who know Him will live our lives as beautifully and boldly as the people in those flash mobs. I pray people will see the divine come to them and let the moment wash over their hearts and let Jesus in. I will never understand all it cost Him. But I know I'm not alone, even when it feels like it. He is the conductor of the orchestra of our lives. So I will listen and follow Him and

just
keep
walking.

I love the end of this one: